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Do you know a good joke about British Sports
Cars or maybe good, old, reliable Lucas electronics? Let others
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Web Sites with British car jokes
Lucas Jokes
- Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The
Germans considered Lucas an ally.
- The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
- "And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied
'no way, Lord, no way'."
- Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden,
unexpected darkness".
- Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
- Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
- The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other
three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
- The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
- "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced
any prob..."
- If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
- Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
- It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to
repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too
much resistance.
- Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover
and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at
night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter
which one you use, nothing happens!"
- Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and
began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they
offered which didn't suck.
- Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that
they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires
longer.
- Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators,
too.
- Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented
the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
- Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment:
check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times
clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness
protect your unworthy servant."
- Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
- Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.
- In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC
market, but they discontinued the product when they couldn make
it leak oil.
- Why are there no skyscrpers in London? Lucas makes elevators
- Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before
dark.
- Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric
chairs.
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